Momisms

I mentioned the other day that I went to a Christmas brunch for church. Well, no one tell my mother this, but I wore red lipstick. BRIGHT red lipstick. At 10:00 in the morning. To a *church* event. I received a few compliments on how great I looked, and how well the RED lipstick went with my coloring, and felt pretty darn spiffy. But if my mother had been there? I'd still be getting lectured about how a real lady would NOT wear "whore red" lipstick before 6pm - and certainly not to a church function!

I must admit, I got a big case of the giggles ... and then went on a nostalgic adventure of all the things my mom taught me that stay with me every single day. Even better? I find myself using these same "Momisms" on my own children.

"Exercise your adverbs!" The daughter of two extremely grammatically correct people caused me to be all kinds of insane when it comes to language. When asked a question, a simple answer of only a couple of words was unacceptable!

"Can't is a figment of your imagination!" It didn't matter how hard I tried at something, failure just wasn't an option. If I was going to invest my time into an activity, then I had to master it - no questions asked and no whining allowed.

"Priorities are the tools that will get you ahead of your comrades!" It took me a long time to understand why I would actually want to get "ahead" of my "comrades", and I'm still not really sure I get it ... but I think it has something to do with getting my act together and not wasting frivolous amounts of time on nothingness. (Oh, Facebook apps, you have foiled my plans again! Stupid farms!)

My mom was a stickler. She had to be. She was a single mom from the time I was five, and she worked hard. By the time I was 10, she worked two jobs and I was trusted to do all of my schoolwork and my chores. There were weeks when I only saw her on the weekends. She taught me a lot about how to run a house, how to take care of others, how to think on your feet, and how to scramble out of a situation if you had to. I am strong because of her.

My mom is now living far away and is a completely different woman than the one I grew up with. She suffered a stroke almost 5 years ago, and it really changed her. She no longer sweats the small stuff. She's forgotten about all of the things that she was ever mad at me for, and can't ever figure out why I would have been mad at her. She even has days when she forgets that she and my dad got divorced. There are so many things that I wish hadn't happened between us ... but I'm glad that I'm able to enjoy a relationship with her now that isn't clouded by all of that.

I think of the pearls of wisdom I pass on to my own children now. What am I teaching them? How much of it will they remember - maybe even treasure? How much of it will they decidedly forget?

"Practice patience!" They hate it when I say this to them. But patience isn't something you perfect, it is something you have to practice every single day. Like an athlete practices his sport, so a person must practice being patient with other people.

"Use your listening ears!" Not just regular ears made for hearing, these ears are specially formatted to obtain and comprehend special information. They are usually kept in pockets for safe-keeping and easy access.

"Be good to your siblings - God gave them to you to be your best friends!" Hubby was an only child growing up and there is such a huge age difference between me and my siblings, that I might as well have been an only child. We are teaching our children that they are each others best friends, and they are in the same family for a reason. They are to treasure each other and treat each other right. Even if they get really mad at each other, they still need to love one another.

I wonder how many more sayings we'll gain over the years. I wonder how many we'll have to invent out of necessity. I wonder if they'll pass them on to their own children. I can only pray that what I teach them every single day they will keep with them, they will use them, and they will love that they learned that from their Mom.

They will love that their Mom taught them more than just fluffy bunnies.

To Santa or Not To Santa....

This was the year Princess said, "Mom, you don't have to get me a gift from Santa because *dramatic pause* I KNOW." Uh-oh.

Me: Know what?

Her: About Santa.

Me: What about Santa?

Her: *rolled eyes, dramatic sigh* YOU. KNOW.

Me: Princess, I haven't the slightest clue what you're talking about.

Her: *whispering* That he isn't real!

Me: WHAT?!?! Have you lost your mind?!?! Pfffttttt ... not REAL?! Girl, you are crazzzzyyyyy. And then I changed the subject.

I have a confession to make. I still believe in Santa Claus. I'll wait for you to stop laughing.

Okay, allow me to clarify. I do not believe that there has been a single man delivering presents to every single child in the world one night a year for the past one thousand years. Seriously people - how cracked do you think I am? Everyone knows that would create too many ripples in the Space-Time Continuum and history as we know it would not exist. Sheesh.

What I do believe is that something happens this time of year. People start to smile a little more, they give to others more freely, they laugh a little harder, and they remember a little more fondly. There is that little bit of something extra in the air that sparks hope, love, joy, optimism, charity, kindness. If that isn't Santa, what is?

I know there are some of you that, for whatever reason, don't think we should fool our children into believing in Santa. Some of my friends think that Santa distracts from the *real* reason of the season, and I understand that. But, then what is all the non-Christians supposed to celebrate? I also have friends that don't think it is good parenting to lie to their children. It doesn't matter which reindeer pulls your sleigh, what matters is who you deliver presents to.

I love the anticipation leading up to Christmas morning. As the children grow older, it is a lot of fun to listen to them debate what Jolly Old Saint Nick is going to leave under the tree. I find bliss in watching them write their letters. Leaving out cookies and milk - and carrots for the reindeer - is my favorite part of the evening. I love watching hoards of children line up at the mall waiting for just a moment to share their wishes. I've heard from Santa many times that he has had some very meaningful words with children in that couple of minutes.

I think that the world can be a very bleak place. I think that children need whatever they can hold on to that gives them joy and optimism. We try to rush them into growing up. I'm guilty of it myself - Red and I are already talking college choices and he's only in the fifth grade. Why not let them hold on to childhood for as long as they can?

Now, in our house, we've explained that God is the ultimate giver of all that joy and optimism. With us, Santa is a man who loved Christ so much and wanted to celebrate him that he started giving out presents to all of the children he knew. God was so honored by Santa's actions that He has made it possible for Santa to keep doing what he does - even if we can't figure it out.

A the end of the day, it doesn't matter if you are honest with your children or if you let them believe in Santa. What matters is that you show your children love and grace, teach them to be forgiving and hopeful, and spend each day celebrating the wonder that is this time of season. Just don't make fun of me when you hear me humming "Santa Claus is Coming to Town".

Because while God made more than fluffy bunnies, He also made fluffy bunnies.

Joyful Traditions

My church had our Ladies' Christmas Tea today and the speaker - a dear sweet friend of mine - spoke about finding the joy in this season when you're not feeling very joyful. Her words really moved me today, as I am really struggling this season. A year of severe financial problems has sucked the joy out of much of my life ... Christmas being the ultimate kick to the belly. I've spent most of today deep in thought and wondering just what Christmas means to me - and what I want it to mean to my children.

Growing up, Christmas wasn't about religion or family. It was a series of formalities that had to be followed precisely. The tree had to be put up the weekend after Thanksgiving. I wasn't really allowed to help until I was older, lest I hang the ornaments haphazardly and the tree would not look symmetrical. The tree itself was also very formal - all red decorations, most of them glass. No handmade reindeer or wreathes, nothing that signified a first Christmas. Cards went out the following week. No notes of love or updates on achievements, just a formal signature of the family name. The gifts were all wrapped with precision, bows just right. The table was always set in Christmas china. Bing Crosby and Nat King Cole always played in the background. While there was the customary present mayhem on Christmas morning, the rest of the day was spent quietly watching parades and football games, visiting family or friends, and then a quiet evening reflecting on the day. The tree came down on January 2, and Christmas was boxed up for another year.

When I became a Mommy, I became overwhelmed with the need to make Christmas MEAN something. It took me a very long time to figure out just what I needed. It wasn't until after I became a Christian that I discovered just what Christmas really meant to me. I think I'll reiterate what my friend shared today, because I just couldn't say it better if I tried. God spoke the universe into existence, He spoke the word into the hands of profits, and then He spoke His very own being into the world in the presence of His Son.

No tree, garland, or mistletoe could do that justice.

My husband didn't come from a very tradition-filled family, either. It has been a real struggle for us to shape what traditions we want for our children. On one hand, we have nothing from which to draw from. On the other, we both know exactly what we DON'T want. No formality or stuffiness. No rigidity. Christ. Joy. Love. Cookies.

I don't wrap any presents and put them under the tree until Christmas Eve. I stay up all night, watching sappy movies, drinking flavored coffees, and wrapping presents. I also assemble some of those insane toys. I've learned that if you wrap the box and put them under the tree, the child in question has come unglued and/or uninterested in the present before you undo those six zillion plastic tie thingies and get the batteries in. Forget. That.

We let the kids open one present on Christmas Eve and it is always brand new pajamas. Learned this one from my very dear friend who laughed today when she found out we stole it from her. They love seeing what we've picked out for them every year, and I love the pictures the next morning where they look cute, they tops match their bottoms and they're not stained or too small.

We'll get them several small random items - usually dollar store finds - and a Christmas stocking, but we only do ONE gift per child, and one gift for the entire family. (Sidebar, not only are we facing financial crisis this year, but so many other families are as well. January credit card bills are no laughing matter.) When they are older, I don't want them to mark the years by what they received, I want them to remember what they gave and what we did.

This year has been especially hard for me. For the second year in a row, we are living in a home that is just too small for a tree. With all the changes I've made from my childhood, I have to admit my tree is still my favorite part. I've spent years searching out the perfect ornaments - everything is bedecked in candy canes and trimmed with red and white. But I became determined that I was not going to let a lack of space stop me. I bought a big roll of metallic green wrapping paper and a gazillion bows. We cut a tree-ish shape out of the wrapping paper (arts and crafts is NOT my strong suit) and covered it in bows. It actually looks fairly cute. Definitely a little ghetto, but cute. Is it ideal? No. Have I already demanded a huge tree with the return of my candy canes next year? Yes. But for this year, I'm content just giving us something to visually signify the season.

I am determined to enjoy Christmas this season. I vow to be present for my children. I'm going to read about the birth of Christ. I'm going to recite 'Twas the Night Before Christmas. We're going to sing carols off-key until we're hoarse. And we are going to pray. For ourselves. For others. And, for the first time in a very long time, we are going to experience Joy.

Joy is more than just fluffy bunnies.