Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Time Changes

That whole spring forward fall back thing?  I've never been bothered by it.  My friends will complain about how much that one hour messes with their entire schedule, kids are all freaked out, the world turns upside down.  I'm not bashing them, in fact, I'm quoting them.  It has just never bothered me, or the kids. Maybe we're flexible, maybe it is just because of the loosey-goosey bedtimes and mornings we have around here, I don't know.  The big changes in time though?  They REALLY mess with me.

Hubby has started to work a new schedule, and I'm really struggling with getting used to it.  He used to work middle of the day shifts, usually 11am - 7pm, or similar.  But now? 3am-11, 5am-noon.  Ugh.  Our whole routine has completely turned upside down.  He's in bed by 7 - at the latest.  I get the kids to bed and stay up working / writing / editing photos until about midnight or so.  He gets up at 1:30 (for the 3am shift), and heads to work.  I get up at 7 or so, and get started on my day.  The kids and I hang out, do schoolwork, whatever is on our schedule.  Hubby comes home, we have lunch, he does work on the house, runs errands, helps me, etc.  Then we eat dinner, and he heads to bed.  Lather, rinse, repeat.

I enjoy our time in the afternoons, and I love that he gets extra time with the kids he didn't have before.  But ... ugh.  I'm not sure I can get used to this.  Hubby used to work overnights, and I hated it.  This is pretty darn close, and the acclimating is difficult.

But, I have to admit that these changes are better than nothing ever changing.

We've recently moved in with my husband's father and grandfather, into the house my husband grew up in.  They really are very sweet, and we have had a lot of laughs.  But, I don't think anything in this house has changed in the last forty years.  I have the distinct feeling that even the conversations that take place have been the same things said for the last forty years.  Staying up late at night in the living room lately has made me even more aware of that.  The last 3 nights, they have repeated the exact same conversation ... its ... weird.

One would think that if I'm struggling with change in one area of my life, I might find some consistency comforting.  But .... I don't.  In fact, it scares me even more than facing bedtime on my own every night (and please know, that TERRIFIES me).  I think there is a huge difference between routine and stagnancy, and I don't want these same conversations between me and Hubby every single night for the next forty years.

I want times to change ... but only some times.

Monday, May 12, 2014

The Great Scheduling Experiment

Have I ever mentioned that I SUCK at time management?  No?  Ok ... well ... let me explain.

I.  SUCK. At. Time. Management.  ;)

For years I've battled deadlines and trying to get things done, and feeling overwhelmed, and disappointing others.  This year seems to be worse than ever, but I'm going to blame that on the additional stress and moving and insanity.

I've tried two different methods in the past: to-do lists and time scheduling.  The to-do lists just kept getting longer and longer because if I didn't get something done today, I would just move it tomorrow.  I was feeling defeated and overwhelmed, and like I would never accomplish anything EVER.  With specific time scheduling (think hour increments), I would pack my calendar solid, then if I ended up having a sick kid, or running an errand for my dad, or something else, my entire week would be sunk.  I'd end up watching netflix the rest of the week.  This would totally screw me over time and time again.  I needed a REAL solution.

A couple of weeks ago, I attended the Exponential Conference for pastors and church planters.  I am neither one of those, but I got to volunteer and it was AMAZING!!  I will be writing a separate blog on that here shortly, because it was *that* level of life-altering.  My very own pastor gave a workshop on managing time and he discussed this little trick to scheduling out time, and let me tell y'all:  IT BLEW MY DANG MIND.  I couldn't wait to try it.  I toiled and played with it for a few days, and then took my creation to the pastor on Sunday.  I'm all, You have to tell me if I did this right because I'm freaking out and I'm not even sure I could do this and now I'm freaking out because I'm not sure I can KEEP doing this and what about Hubby's schedule - he works at a THEME PARK with NO absolute schedule how do I MAKE THIS WORK?!?!?  Yeah, I'm sure my kind pastor will tell you I didn't sound like that ... but that is TOTALLY how I sounded in my head ;)

Sooooo ... essentially, you chop your week up into blocks.  There are 3 of them each day, each one is 4 hours a piece.  You assign each module (mod for short) a task, and that's what you accomplish during that time.  This type of schedule is flexible enough where you lump things together, whether those things are meetings with CEO's or housework.  Hubby and I sat down and decided how many blocks I need for what, and then I based those blocks around his work schedule.  Anything empty would automatically be family time, altho some of you might have to actually schedule that.  A couple of rules to remember:

1.  If you have to move something, make sure you make up for it somehow.  I tend to have life happen when I'm in the middle of something, so I walk away from it.  The problem is, I just drop it and never go back to it.  When you leave some blocks intentionally blank (non-family blank boxes), you have an escape hatch!  So, let's say I have homeschooling scheduled on Tuesday from noon to four, and Sir Smiley falls and cuts himself and I need to take him to get stitches.  Normally, this would leave my whole week blown up and I wouldn't be able to recover.  Using this system, I simply move homeschooling from Tuesday to a blank mod on Thursday - and I'm covered!  Holy cow!

2.  When you have a mod you can't move - especially mods with family - and someone asks you for time during that mod, don't feel bad about saying no.  You don't have to hem and haw whether or not you should ask your honey to cancel date night this week (because ... NO), you just tell that person, "Sorry, no can do, I have something scheduled."  Even if that something is binge-watching Grey's Anatomy.  (Nope, don't know ANYONE in my house that does that.  Huh-uh.  You're delusional.  LOL)

3.  Be forgiving of yourself.  We can be strict with ourselves, and hold ourselves accountable, but let us try and remember that we're humans.  We're going to have sick days, and unexpected things, and days when looking at the schedule makes us angry.  It will happen.  Jump off the horse if you have to, but leave it saddled, so you can jump back on asap!

4.  Take it for a test drive.  Try it for a week, see how it works for you, make adjustments and do it again.  This thing is flexible!  That's what I did, and I saw a lot of things that had to be fixed right away.

Last week was my first attempt.  Check out what I did ...




I couldn't find a ready-made calendar that I liked, so I opted for making my own.  (If you feel I'm the most creative genius in the world and you want nothing more than to have one of your very own, let me know and I'll email it to you lol)  I essentially needed to add Hubby's schedule (oh, check it out, now y'all know his name is Dave), and what we're having for dinner, and then my blocks.  The lines are sharpie, because the visual change helps me, and I'm too cheap to buy THAT much ink.

This is a close-up of one of the days:



See my empty block?  I moved stuff there later on in the week :)

A couple of rookie mistakes I made:  1) Starting my day at 8am.  We are slow risers around here.  Truthfully, I'm usually awake before 7, but we like to chill and take our time.  If you had a "real" job (lol) and had to be at work early in the morning, the 8am thing works.  2)  Doing stuff first thing on Monday morning.  As if THAT ever happens!!  Our Sundays tire us out way too much, we never start bright and early.

I made those changes for this week, but this week is going to be kind of crazy because we're meeting friends at SeaWorld one day, and Thursday is SirSmiley's birthday, so we're heading to Magic Kingdom that day.  We'll see how this one goes ;)


Not your typical Mother's Day Post

Today has been a little ... awkward ... for me.  This has not been the typical Mother's Day for me, and I just don't feel right in my own skin.  I know there are many other women out there who feel awkward for their own reasons today, and I thought I'd write about it.  First, briefly, because I haven't written in some time, Red is still in a foster center and doing really well.  He's in a public middle school, we have facilitated visits, and things are progressing.  Unfortunately, we didn't have our visit this past week as we were supposed to, which is part of the cause of my melancholy.  The other part is that Princess was sick today, and the Littles both had sniffles.  Sigh.  A mother's work is never done ... even on Mother's Day.

So ... all of that being said ... I wanted to send out some love to women all over who are - awkward - about today.

~  To those who don't have their children with them ... you might have memories of handprints and flowers.  You probably know what it is like to hold your little one close to you, your hearts beating close together.  And now, for whatever reason, your little one isn't with you.  No human can understand the extent of your pain, your longing.  Even when you meet with other women who might have had similar experiences, your journey is but a singular, unique experience.  There is nothing anyone can do to fill that hole.  I can only pray that your child will be returned to you some day.  That is my prayer for you.

~  To those who have lost a child ... your arms will never again hold tight that precious gift.  Maybe you never had the chance.  My heart breaks for you.  Your heart yearns for the laughter and smiles and memories you will never have.  I, too, know that pain ... more than most people will ever comprehend.  I wish that we had an answer for why it happens that way, but I'm not sure it would make it any easier.  Some day ... some day there will be a moment when you can breathe again.

~  To the moms who do it by themselves ... y'all are tough.  y'all are forces to be reckoned with.  You work hard, sleep little, pray much, and worry consistently.  But you are so amazing!!  My parents divorced when I was very young.  I was fortunate to have them both in my life, even though there were many times that their war nearly drove me insane.  What I remember most about those years?  My mom worked HARD to make sure that everything was taken care of.  Someday, your kids will remember that, too.

~  To the dads who do it all ... you deserve a nod, too.  I think its easier for a mom to throw a baseball than for a dad to learn how to tie a ponytail.  Society still doesn't quite know what to say to you, although your female counterparts are standard.  But there are a few of us out there who know just how much you rock.  Keep going, Dad.

~  To the moms who chose to love someone else's child as their own ... y'all are a special kind of wonderful.  You are often resented and reviled.  The respect and love you so deserve doesn't often come quickly, if at all.  You cook meals, clean up boo-boos, help with homework ... and yet, you don't always get the same amount of credit.  I'm lucky hat Princess has a great step-mom ... I know that there are a lot of you out there.  But, remember when you were a young doofus kid?  One day, that child you're loving will wake up and realize your love for them, and it will be all good.

~  To those out there who don't have a relationship with their moms ... this is NOT going to be a woeful plea to go running back to her.  Only you know the story.  To you, this can be a bitter and frustrating day.  Believe me, I understand that, too.  Hold on ... things will change.  I promise.

~  To those out there that have lose their moms ... I know the day will never be the same for you.  Even if you have 10 kids and flowers and jewelry and cupcakes ... Mother's Day is lonely.  That's so hard, I can't even imagine.  I could remind you that they're in your heart, but you know that already.  I could remind you that you have people that love you, but I suspect you know that, too.  That is a hole that can't be filled.  I pray that you find little ways to make it through.

~  [this is kind of a current event thing ... but ... whatever, my blog, I'll write what I want]  .... To the moms in Nigeria.  You have the hearts of the world with you right now.  I pray to God every single night that the rulers of this world send their forces in to get those ... those ... evil bastards that took your babies.  They can claim religion or profit, or whatever they want, but their actions are unconscionable.  I am praying every moment that you get your girls back.

~  To those out there that don't even realize ... Do you know who you are?  Do you know?  Do you know that you are counted on as a sister, friend, mother ... even if you aren't any of those?  So many women I look to as "Mom".  So many women that have come along side me at some point, put their arms around my shoulder and loved me.  Encouraged me.  Supported me.  Made me theirs.  How many of you have a woman like this in your life?  How many women do you know walk your life with you?  For they are moms, too.  Spiritual moms.  Forever friends.

All of us have traveled paths that have been bumpy, rocky, avalanche-y, and plain old Hell.  Many of us hate Mother's Day.  After all, it is a "Hallmark Holiday".  So, you know what?  To hell with it.  From now on, we're going to celebrate WOMEN ROCK DAY.  Because, whether we're moms or step-moms, or foster moms, or fur-moms, or hurting moms, or tired moms, or kids who don't know their moms ... we all have the capacity to love one another, lift each other up, and make this world a better place.  I love you, Ladies.