Looking Towards East Africa

Have I told y'all that I want to go to Africa?  I hope you would have heard me saying something about it by now.  I never knew I wanted to go to Africa.  I always said that if God wanted me to do any sort of missions work it would be to a first world country that just needed more Christians.  Like ... Paris.  Or somewhere in Greece.  On the beach.  A Bible in one hand, staring out at the gorgeous crystal blue water, just having had some fresh fish.

Wait ... where was I?  Oh yeah.  Africa.  ;)

I've heard a lot of stories from missionaries over the years, and my heart has always gone out to the people I heard about.  I've heard stories from Cambodia, Russia, Malaysia, China, Syria, and beyond who are starving, have no clean water, dying of debilitating diseases, and selling their children into prostitution.  I have spent hours on my knees in prayer and in tears for the hearts and lives of those so far away.  But even with all of those stories, with knowing people who were traveling to these far off places, I never once felt the need to pack my bags and go.  Never once did I run into my closet and start tossing things in and searched for affordable tickets to go to a city that was within three days' travel to some third-world country where I was obviously going to fly in with bags of rice and become a hero.  Not my thing.  I've always been, "You can't serve across the world until you serve across the street," and the past few years I've focused on helping those around me when I could.

Then, our dear friend Brandon sat down with me and told me about his dream to go to Kenya.  Someday soon, I'll have him guest post and tell you his own story, because, I really can't do it justice.  The more he spoke about getting back to Kenya and the surrounding areas in Eastern Africa, the more I knew I wanted to go with him.  I learned that in the last century, the world has really done a lot to hurt the African continent.  We tore apart the country for slaves, we slaughtered their animals, and then tried to "save" them.  We failed.  We all failed.  Then we tried to overcompensate.  My favorite example is loser's t-shirts.  You know when it's time for the Superbowl or World Series or NBA Championship game and the t-shirt manufacturers print up t-shirts for the winning teams?  Well, there's always a loser.  The loser's shirts get sent off to third-world countries.  Charitable of us, yes?  Well ... yes.  Except ... for each one of those villagers that receive a shirt, they don't need to buy clothing from their local villager who crafts clothing.  So, while some of the villagers have clothes, their is one family who now has no income.  Oy.  Awesome.  This is kind of a simplistic example, but I'll provide more as our story unfolds.

Africa doesn't need our t-shirts or for us to come in and take over.  What Africa needs is for us to help them educate themselves so that they can fix the huge problems that they're facing.  Africa needs to be equipped with the tools they need to grow stronger.  That's where Brandon's project has really shed some new light on how we help third-world countries.  The key to success is in the children - because they have the power to change the future.  They need to be fed and educated, and then shown that they can be the change - they can BE the difference.  And yeah, we could go over there with bags of rice and books .... OR  .... we can ensure that they have the tools to start, and that they know how to replenish those tools when needed.  We need to start in the schools and orphanages, because they usually are the most disadvantaged - and they should always be a priority!  We're going to start by connecting with already established organizations so that we can help them keep going with the work they're already doing.  But we can only go up from there.

I gotta tell you, I can't be more excited!  Not only about the prospect of going to Africa - because, that in and of itself is extraordinarily exciting - but by all of the work that will be going along with it as well.  This isn't going to be just one trip, this is going to be a lifetime commitment of work.  Eventually, I'll know roads between villages as well as I know our local interstate.  My children are going to be visiting with us.  I'll be able to take my grandchildren to see decades worth of work - and maybe even one of them will carry on this work.  And it doesn't stop with just going over there, we'll be working on other projects that will coincide with this, as well.

I'm about to embark on a life journey.  I hope you'll join me.

Time to spread fluffy bunnies to the rest of the world!!!

(or ... at least Eastern Africa! lol)

Equip Africa Project!!

Jax and the Strawberry Shortcake

The other day I blogged about the awesome tasting event for the new menu at Jax 5th Avenue in Lake Mary.  I ended on a bittersweet note - I discussed the awesomeness that was the strawberry shortcake, but was sooooo very sad that I didn't have a picture to share with you.  Tonight?  They shared this picture on their Facebook page.  Don't drool into your keyboard, you'll hurt it.

Jax Strawberry Shortcake

You're welcome.

xo

Jax ... is better!

First of all, let me just say that this post is horribly overdue ... but, I'm hoping my good friend will give me a pass considering the week I've had ;)

Sooooo .... I got invited to my very first ever social networking event!!  ohmygosh - I can't even tell you how much fun I had!!  Before I even say another thing, I want to give a huge big thank you to Eric over at Purple Moon Media for deeming me worthy enough to invite.  You are the awesomest, Eric!!!  Just look at how happy we are ;)

AND ... a second apology for the fuzziness of the pictures.  I was taking these with my phone, and was supposed to be tweeting these, but I apparently broke Twitter.  Not one single tweet went through.  I was soooooo annoyed.  So, instead of getting an awesome stream of consciousness babbling live, y'all have to wait for me to do it in one whole blog.  Maybe I should apologize a third time, too.  *snort*

So, I grabbed my buddy Brandon and we headed to Jax 5th Ave of Lake Mary.  I was incredibly excited, because I knew the food was going to be phenomenal.  We started with a drink - some of us obviously take our beer selections more seriously than others.

And then the food started showing up.  Y'all, I knew we were going to eat, but I was not prepared.  There was no way I could even begin to prepare for the onslaught of insane yumminess that was about to bombard our table!  I love me some good pub food.  I know most people think it is so boring and so overdone, but when it is done really well, it can be just as fantastic as a dinner at any fancy-schmancy place you can imagine.  Jax?  They do it really well!

When you sit down at the table, they bring you a jar of homemade pickles.  They are so fresh and so crisp!  They pickle them right there on the property, and you just haven't eaten until you've eaten a FRESH pickle!  Like I said, sometimes the simple things really can be the key!

If fresh pickles aren't enough for you, they have them fried.  Alright, I know what you're thinking, because I thought the same thing.  This whole fried pickle craze ... oy.  I mean, anyone can throw a pickle in some batter and fry it, and it tastes like ... well ... just fried food.  But these are so different.  They are so crisp!  In fact, let me tell you just how crisp they are.  We were running really late to the event.  Brandon got out of his meeting late and had to drive all the way from Celebration to College Park to pick me up, and then we were off to Lake Mary.  In rush hour traffic - in the rain.  Y'all know that this was a schlep and a half to get there.  By the time we arrived, appetizers had already been served, and we were able to get the last couple of pickles.  I just knew they'd be soggy and cold and icky.  I readied myself for the worst.  Holyshmoke was I surprised!  They were still a bit warm (not hot, because seriously, we were late) ... but the crispyness of the batter around the pickle!  Brandon and I were both totally shocked.  I can only imagine how yummy these things are right out of the batter!!  We also had some of chicken wings - Hubby's favorite!!  These were the "Tropical Thunder" flavor.  So sweet when you first bite into them, and then suddenly they bite right back!  YUM!  Those are flakes of coconut you see sprinkled on the wing.  Quite possibly my favorite part.  No, wait, my favorite part is that wings on Monday and Friday are 50cents!!  (select hours, check their site for times)

Are you ready for a sandwich and some salad?  We were!  This is the Chef Salad.  I was very curious when this was put down in front of me.  First of all, there's no way for you to even see how HUGE this bowl is.  Secondly, um ... what are those big white things all over the top of the salad?

Oh ... wait!!  That's *cheese*!!  Umm... that's some fantastic cheese.  The rest of the salad is really good, too.  But, seriously, it starts with the cheese ;)

We also had the Monster Roast Beef Wrap.  They weren't kidding.  My hubby is a champion eater, and I think this thing would put him over the edge.  This dish is one of those things I would get for dinner and then have leftovers for lunch the next day.  I think there is an entire cow's worth of roast beef.  I was impressed with the flavor of the beef, and the freshness of the ingredients with it: provolone, shrooms, ranch dressing... so good!  You can see pictures of it under these yummy little sips of "Dirty Beaver" we were trying out.  I would love to tell you what was in it, but now I've forgotten.  I know it was a French liquor of some sort.

And let's not forget the burger!  The Jax Burger is just my favorite kind of burger: 1/2lb of fresh ground beef, swiss cheese, bacon, shrooms, onions, and an onion roll.  I can't even tell you how much this is my favorite flavor combo for burgers.  I will order this hands down every single time.  But of all the burgers I've had, Jax's is by far the most flavorful.  The bacon was super crisp, and you can just tell that the ingredients are of a higher quality.  Check it out!

Now, y'all know that my highlight of the night was dessert, but, before I get there, I have to say that the meal was topped by the prime rib.  I don't often order prime rib, because ... well ... because I'm cheap.  (I'll admit it, I have very little shame.)  This prime rib was worthy enough to be on the table of a steak house.  It melted like butter, just as it is supposed to.  I was really impressed.  It isn't often that you can walk into a pub-style bar with food and order a really decent piece of meat.  

And one last thing before I get to the desserts, Brandon wanted me to show you that his favorite part was the water glasses.  Because, when you're eating amazing food and drinking lots of beer, you need to be hydrated, and he finds it annoying when the waitress brings you a tiny little glass of water.  Not Jax.  They brought Brandon such a big cup that he said, "You gotta take a picture! It makes my hand look tiny!"  smh.  Indeed, Brandon .... Indeed.  ;)

Now ... last, but certainly not least ... the desserts.  Again, I was pleased that the selections were familiar, but there was a unique take on all of them.  The Brownie Sandwich seems just like a simple brownie with ice cream and whipped cream, topped with chocolate chips and syrup ... and maybe it is just that simple.  But the brownie is homemade, and super delicious.  The serving is huge - it took all four of us at the table to take care of it.  Although, I'll be honest, the way all four of us like chocolate, I'm sure one of could have eaten the whole thing .......... but for all the burger and fried pickle and prime rib ... ;)

We also had the Fried Cheese Cake Sundae.  Yummmmmmmm.  Yeah, you can never really go wrong with fried.  cheesecake.  and a martini glass.  The fact that the cheese cake bits are bananas foster makes it so much better.  Then, of course, you're topping it with whipped cream and chcolate syrup ... all over the vanilla ice cream.  Holy cow.

Believe it or not, that was not my favorite dessert.  And, I'm super sad to say that I totally forgot to get a picture of what my favorite was.  Hashtag blogger fail.  I know.  My favorite was actually the strawberry shortcake.  Wait, what?!  I know, right?!  I love strawberry shortcake, but like most of my female contemporaries, I quickly pass it over whenever I see words like "chocolate" and "cheese cake".  I can honestly say that I would order this dessert before the other two.  The sponge cake was super moist and bouncy - just the way grandma made it!  The layers of strawberry puree frosting was really good, and you can tell some attention is given to it.  Topped with whipped cream and fresh sliced strawberries, it really was the way to finish off an event on a hot summer night.  THAT is what Florida is supposed to taste like.

Overall, I am incredibly impressed by the extensive menu at Jax.  This is not your everyday bar where maybe you can grab a bite while you're there.  Jax is a place you go to eat and enjoy the more than 60 craft beers on tap.  You will certainly see Hubby and me there - probably on a Monday or Friday evening for 50cent wings ;) .... and strawberry shortcake ..... and prime rib .... and the Jax burger. ;)  I would be amiss if I didn't mention the great service we had, and the fun trivia night that was going on while we were there.  The atmosphere was fantastic, and we really did have a great time.

Thank you, Jax!  Can't wait to see you again!

And thank you, Eric!  See you soon!!

Anger

I've been taught that the Bible instructs me that anger isn't a sin, but what comes from your anger can be sinful.

Today, I have sinned.

Today, my anger with the situation with Red, and with another frustrating situation going on (that I can't write about, sorry.  Maybe someday.) ... everything overflowed.  I spent most of the day doing some miscellaneous chores, and puttering on the computer.  I didn't get anything significant accomplished.  And then tonight, I blew up.  I yelled at Princess for something that is beyond her control, and I yelled at the Ex.  No, I don't agree with how he's handling things right now, and I'm honest about that.  But should I have yelled at either of them?  No.  Not even a little bit.

Sidebar:  Ex and Princess, if you are reading this, I truly am sorry.  I'll be giving both of you more personal apologies in the morning.  But ... wanted to get it out there.  xo

After that, I had to stop and think why I'm really angry.  I'm angry at the system.  I'm angry at the way Red's case worker acts like she doesn't even care - seriously, she left the courtroom in the middle of the trial.  She didn't even stick around to see what happened.  I know her caseload is heavy, but give me a flippin break.  She doesn't act like she cares at ALL.

I'm angry at the judicial system and the hoops we have to jump through to be able to get Red the help he needs.  I'm angry that the judge is going to flip out on me because of things that haven't been completed in our case plan - like counseling.  But I can't get the counseling, the caseworker is supposed to set that up, and she hasn't.

I'm just angry.

And oh so sad.

Again, I know that there is going to be an end to this, and that good things are going to come out of this.  But the walk getting there is not easy.  It is filled with burdens and fears, it is overwhelmed with exhaustion and sadness.  But I know I can do it.  I'm doing it with all of you that have sent me messages of love and encouragement.  Friends that have told me they're in similar boats and have looked to me for guidance.  (me?!?  what?!?!  are you people crazy?!?  lol)

So, the real question is what to do with my anger until then?  I'm considering buying a punching bag and some gloves ;)

Court Day

Well ... after months of frustration, confusion, and prayer, Court Day for Red finally happened.  I was a ball of stress yesterday.  Like most, the unknown is what terrorizes me most.  The closer it got to time to leave, the more my stomach turned into giant knots.

For those of you that are new here, and as a refresher for others, Red had two charges pending against him in criminal court: one count of domestic battery (the fight with me) and one count of fraudulent use of a debit card (my dad's).  It didn't matter what was going to happen when we got there, it was going to suck.  I *knew* it was going to suck.  But, I guess I just wasn't prepared for the level of suck it was going to be.  In fact, I'm not sure I've ever experienced a level of sucktastic as we went through yesterday.

If you haven't read the whole story, it starts HERE and continues for two additional posts.

For the past few months, when my father and I have discussed the circumstances, we have agreed that this entire situation is sad and difficult, but it would be important for Red to experience the consequences of his actions.  When we got to court, the prosecutor had informed me that the entire time, my dad had been calling her office repeatedly, trying to get the fraud charges against Red dropped.  I was so frustrated.  Look, I don't *want* to see my kid in trouble - no mother does!  But, I have held closely to the fact that if you're going to go against the grain, you gotta face the music that comes along with it.  Red has a narcissistic trait that makes him feel like he's above reproach, and that is one of the biggest reasons I needed to follow through with this, and I thought my dad had agreed.  Apparently not.  I was upset that he had lied to me - telling me the entire time that he was going to follow through with the charges, all while hounding the state.  I was also upset with his reasoning.  He testified on the record that Red is his "sole heir" and because everything he has is Red's anyway, there's no reason at all why Red can't just go ahead and spend his money.  SERIOUSLY?!?  What about the four pages of insufficient funds charges, and the fact that Hubby and I had to buy his groceries for two weeks because of the hole Red dug him into?  I guess that doesn't mean anything.  I know, I sound bitter.  Well ... I AM bitter.  How in the world am I supposed to teach Red to be honest and have integrity when his own grandfather turns 180's like a figure skater and lies to judges?

*head desk*

After we got through that catastrophe, it was time to deal with the domestic battery case.  Oy.  I just ... I just ... I don't have words.  The prosecutor offered Red a deal, and he decided to refuse it.  Which meant we were going to go to trial.  Seriously?  I was heart-broken.  I just couldn't even conceive how bad this was going to be.  Until ... it got worse.  I was patiently waiting for the judge's assistant to give us a date when the trial would be.  And then, suddenly, I realized ... it wasn't going to be scheduled - it was going to happen RIGHT NOW.

What?

Wait ... what?  Are you kidding me?  Um ... ok.  Here we go.  I almost had a nervous breakdown right there.  I was very thankful for the prosecutor though.  She squeezed my hand, and went to work.  Hubby and Dad had to leave because they were potential witnesses.  I felt very alone.  Hubby had been a real Prince the entire time, not leaving my side, arm around me for support ... and I watched him walk out the door.  I took a deep breath, and then remembered I wasn't alone.  Not really.  Hubby wasn't there to hold my hand, but God was with me.  I was still very concerned, but I knew that whatever was going to happen, things would be alright.

The prosecutor called the investigating police officer first.  He spoke about the marks on my arm and on my back.  The defense attorney, on cross, tried to rise reasonable doubt that Red caused the marks, that maybe they were caused by the paramedics or the hospital staff, but he stayed strong.  Then, it was my turn.  I couldn't look at Red.  I knew if I did, I would cave.  So, I stared straight at the prosecutor.  I had to recount the entire evening.  I hated it.  Every last second of it.  I'm so grateful to the prosecutor, though, as she was very kind.  Then the defense attorney had her shot, and she was SO frustrating.  I have to admit, I wasn't as nice to her, and at one point, I even got somewhat rude.  She was still trying to create a hypothesis that it was anyone but Red that could have caused the bruising.  At that precise moment, she was trying to get me to say that the radiologist would have to grab my arm and twist it into place in order to get x-rays done.  I said, "First of all, I'm pretty good at following directions, and put my arm where the man told me.  Secondly, I don't think that either one of us are trained radiologists and know how they do their job."  It was rude, I'll admit it.  I'll also admit to feeling a bit smug, especially because she was stunned.  I threw her off her game and off her rhythm.  It felt good.

Then, the prosecutor called Hubby, and rested.  Then the defense attorney called my dad.  Which was important, because he was the only other witness.  While some of the smaller, more insignificant details were murky, he got all of the rest of them right.  I sat behind Red during their testimony.  I watched him shake his head.  I watched him scribble notes frantically to his attorney.  I watched him slump in his chair.  It broke my heart.  I was completely torn.

The judge ruled against Red.  The sentence he got was slightly heavier than the original deal the prosecutor offered him.  One year supervised probation, 50 hours of community service, counseling, family counseling, anger management, curfew, an apology letter to me (no less than 250 words), and an essay on familial relations (500 words).  He was so angry, and I was completely heart broken.

I knew walking into that courtroom yesterday that I was facing a lose/lose situation.  It wasn't like I was facing some big bad meanie - I was facing my son.  My baby.  Fourteen years have passed, but I still see his bright orange hair and gray eyes looking up at me as I tie his shoes or read books to him.  I camped with him in Cub Scouts.  I rocked him to sleep at night.  My baby.  But it was more miserable than I had been prepared for.  I'm not sure I'll ever be able to say it enough ... I love my boy.  With every single breath I take, with every fiber of my being, I love this child.  I have hopes and dreams for him, and I pray every single day that I'm able to help him realize those dreams.  I pray that he doesn't hate me forever for having him punished this way.  I pray that one day he understands that I wanted him to understand that life is hard, and to be an upstanding man, you have to be accountable for all of your actions.

Today has been hard, trying to figure it all out, trying to discern how I feel.  I'm crushed.  I'm scared for Red.  I'm annoyed at my dad.  But I know that God will use every one of these moments for His glory.  Someday.