Monday, February 10, 2014

Are we done yet? Nope ...

... sorry to say, there is still oh so much more to tell you.  However, it might give you some hope that we have reached the grand climax of our story!  I take you to an evening in late January ...

... no ... wait.  This story actually begins right before Christmas ...

... well ... actually ...

... oh crud.


Ok.  So, last January (2013), I drowned our macbook.  I was using a little table for a desk, placed my cup of water on the table, and sat down to work.  I slid the table closer to me, not realizing that Hubby's shoes were underneath.  The table bounced, the water spilled, the macbook drowned.  We replaced it with our tax refund, but much mocking has ensued.

In December, I was in the midst of editing some photos.  (Did y'all know that Hubby and I have a small photography company?  No?  Oh.  Well here, check us out:  My dad and I were having a very heated discussion about whether or not Red should be allowed to have computer privileges (that he has so horribly abused), when a cup of tea got knocked over into the macbook2.  Hubby was not amused.

So, until we can replace macbook2, we've been sharing Red's laptop with him.  And then, he decided it would be a swell idea to uninstall Windows and replace it with Linux.  And, of course, nothing was working correctly.  Now we're caught up.

That afternoon in January, I had asked Red to please make the repairs we had discussed so that I could get some work done.  I'm OH SO VERY BEHIND on OH SO MANY projects.  (All those caps?  Yeah, that is how I hear it in my head, too.  Sigh.)  He blew me off - per his norm.  So, later that evening, I tried to talk to him about it.  He argued with me.  I - VERY CALMLY - tried to get him to understand that his disobedience was uncalled for, and I don't appreciate his rude responses, or the fact that I'd been waiting for two days to get stuff done. 

Red responded by calling me an extremely crude and profane name.  I reacted badly.  I reached out and smacked the back of his head.  Yeah, I know, it was stupid.  Please know, I didn't knock him senseless or cause damage (not that I'm excused) ... Dad likened it to the way they smack that one guy on NCIS.  He got up in my face and yelling, and I got him to sit back down and calm down.  I told him that I shouldn't have smacked him, but I honestly I can't handle any more of the name calling.  The things he says are truly not ok.  We began talking again, trying to find some peace or resolution.  I asked Red about schoolwork, and he got super mad again.  Told me to f-off and he was never going to do his schoolwork.  I sighed, reached over and closed the laptop, picked it up, and turned to walk away. 

And that is when he exploded. 

Red reached out and grabbed my arms to pull me back, he was screaming but I don't know what he was saying.  I wrenched free from his grasp, and started running towards the front door.  He was right on my heels the entire time, hitting me in the back and my head.  Dad started following Red, trying to get him to stop.  When I reached the door, Red grabbed me by my hair and slammed my head into the closed door.  Dad was able to get him off of me, I was able to get out the door to Hubby who could help me. 

We called the police, and an ambulance.  Red called an ambulance for my father - Red accidentally struck him while hitting me and Dad (who has chronic heart conditions) started having chest pain.  We were both transported, and Red was arrested for battery.  I had a lot of soft tissue damage, some serious bruising on my back and shoulder, a cut on my arm from his fingernails, and a fairly nasty concussion.  And, to be honest, I'm leaving huge chunks out of the story - like Red screaming profanity at Hubby, and the paramedics getting in Red's face because he was threatening me - but none of us have time to go through every detail.  It should suffice to say that it was traumatic for us all.

Since then, we've been on a stupid roller coaster of court hearings and frustrating obstacles.  There are two cases - criminal and DCF.  With the last criminal case, he went through the diversion program.  It is supposed to be a one-shot break, but it gets used a lot.  I've spoken to the prosecutor and she doesn't think that diversion is going to be a good option this time.  While Red does have asperger's and there are some serious issues going on there, he *does* know right from wrong, and he makes the choice to get violent with me, and with that choice, he has to face consequences.  Red is EXTREMELY narcissistic and doesn't feel that anyone has the power to do anything to him at all.  If he continues with that frame of mind, he will feel that he never has to abide by rules or laws ever, and that will not end well.  Wednesday afternoon, we have a pre-trial conference, I shall update you as soon as I can.

The DCF case has been a perpetual thorn in my side.  You may or may not recall from my previous writing that I've tried for DCF to help me with Red for the last two years, to no avail.  In the investigation following his arrest, Red told the DCF person that I punched him several times in the stomach and that is why he attacked me.  They filed to "shelter him", which means to legally take guardianship over him, until they can fix me, or take my rights away.  (joy. abounding joy.  you can totes here my sarcasm, yeah??) After having many unsavory conversations with case workers, investigators, supervisors, and attorneys, I think we might - MIGHT - just be starting to make some headway.  I was quite doubtful of this until a conversation I had today with Red's caseworker.

Up until now, I've been a gargantuan pain in DCF's butt.  (I know, so many of you are completely shocked by that.  harhar)  I've pushed, I've begged, I've nagged, I've argued, I've pleaded, I've even yelled (more shock), but none of it ever mattered, because they never came through with providing me very much needed assistance in Red's care.  None of them seem to understand the scope and depth of what Asperger's really is, let alone what it is like to deal with it and puberty, or being the parent of a kid dealing with that and puberty.  But today?  Today, Red's caseworker actually LISTENED TO ME.  Record-breaking day, y'all.  And she thought about what I was saying, and she realized that as angry as I am about being a punching bag, at the end of the day, Red is MY BABY.  He is.  He always will be.  And my baby is in pain, and needs help.  He isn't going to get help from me because he doesn't want it - but that does not mean that I'm not going to spend every ounce of energy I have fighting for him anyway. 

For the first time in about 4 years, I have hope and optimism.  It is surreal. 

We have a case conference on Friday morning, and I'm hoping that she takes that time to explain that I'm fighting FOR my son, and that is all I've been doing this entire time.


Ok, enough for now.  At least, you're actually kind of up-to-date.  The next few days are going to be busy here.  We're taking Fluffy for another surgery consult on her eyes Wednesday morning (before Red's hearing.  oy) ... so, keep the prayers coming. 

Much love and fluff...

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