Time for court ... again

Well ... time for another round of my favorite game: let's see how long it takes for Yca to lose her ever-loving mind with the people assigned to help children in the state of Florida!!  This week, we didn't even have to get to court before I was mad.  It happened before I even got there.

We last saw our heroine (me) dealing with a missed aspect of the case plan: the domestic abuse assessment, as well as an intensive parenting class for children with asperger's (this mildly came up during the hearing, but has mostly been brought up in emails over the past month).  The judge gave me 30 days to complete domestic assessment, it was supposed to be done before we appeared yesterday.  Every single week this month, I have emailed my attorney, and he has then emailed the DCF attorney to remind them that I need this referral.  I can't just pick up the phone and call anybody to do this.  DCF has to refer me to one of their care providers before I can set up an appointment.  The entire month, they didn't give me this referral.  Even though I knew that the ball was in their court, I don't have enough faith in the system to trust that I wouldn't get reprimanded.  As for the parenting class, I received a letter on Friday stating that *all* of their attempts to reach me have failed, and I had 10 days to get in touch with them, or they would notify the judge that I'm non-compliant.  Awesome, considering I don't have a single phone call from them.

To complicate matters ... because, this isn't complicated enough ... my dad got sick last weekend.  Saturday night, he called me and said that he wasn't feeling great.  By the time I got there, it was obvious that he was quite sick.  We decided to take him to the ER, and by the time we got there, he had almost stopped breathing due to the pain.  We left Red at home for the evening, with the promise that we would go get him on Sunday and let him visit Dad then.  It was an extremely difficult night in the ER, but by the time we left, he was feeling better.  (I'll skip to the end here, he got out on Wednesday - he has some gallbladder issues.  No surgery for now, but he's seeing an excellent GI who is going to try to teach him medically.  I'm *very* optimistic.)

When Red first went to live with Dad, we had several discussions about what would happen should my Dad need to the hospital.  When I asked my attorney, he assured me that if Dad ever needed to go, I should contact the DCF case manager and let them know we would need help with Red, and they would take care of him.  Dad and I both had separate conversations with the CM, and both times she assured us that if Dad needed to go to the hospital, Red would either go back to the youth shelter (which he was fine with) for a couple of nights, or they would find a respite foster family for Red to stay with while Dad was in the hospital.  We were all very comfortable with this plan.  But when Sunday came around, and we knew Dad would be in for a few days, events didn't play out quite the way we were promised.  After hours of calls and text messages back and forth between me and the CM, she said that if we did either one of the options she had previously given us, it would effectively restart the entire case, they'd have to do another shelter hearing, all kinds of drama.  I'll be honest, this is ridiculous.  Finally, we came to the conclusion that Hubby could just go stay with Red at my dad's house.  As a parent, you know you'll go the ends of the earth for your kids, and Hubby had no issue with this ... but ... there are moments when you roll your eyes, take a deep breath, and lament that the plan of attack at hand is a serious pain in the butt.  Obviously, it ended up working out for us all, but the last few days have been stressful, to say the least.

So, this brings us to court last Monday.  I walked in with my game face on and ready to battle.  I'm just so very tired of all the baloney.  I met with my attorney and let hi know what was going on, and he was equally annoyed.  The first thing that we covered with the judge was my father's absence.  The GAL attorney attacked us and DCF over and over again for protocol not being followed.  Apparently, she was angry that no one notified her office.  The judge turned his eyes on me and I said, "Your Honor, despite several requests, I don't have contact information for the GAL's office.  I contacted the case manager, per my directions, and left it at that."  He said that was fine, and I shouldn't have been expected to do anymore than that. (WIN!)

Next was the actual reason we were at court: the domestic assessment.  Now, it is important that I state here that I wrote my attorney a scathing email about having to take this class, because their wording in the description made it sound like ... hmmm ... something like a sexual offender.  You know, there is a lot of kerfluffle right now because people are fighting the sexual offender label.  For example, if a doof got drunk and peed in fountain, he must now carry that label.  What he did might have been stupid, but it is quite different behavior than luring children into a van with candy and puppies.  If I understood this domestic assessment correctly, I would be labeled as a domestic abuser for life, and I am just NOT ok with that.  My attorney asked me to be patient and we'd see what the judge had to say.  Luckily, the judge that is handling the DCF case is the same judge that oversees the criminal case.  The GAL attorney once again attacked me (dude, I'm so over her - you just don't even know the unkind things I say in my head when she speaks).  DCF wants a domestic abuse organization to assess me, but the GAL is worried that they'll treat me as a victim instead of an abuser.  (I rolled my eyes AT the judge.  He smirked.  It was kind of magical.)  I responded with, "Your Honor, if you'll remember correctly, you were the finder of fact in the criminal case, and decided that I was the victim.  I'm unsure as to why the GAL so desperately wants to deny that.  I'm sure that Harbor House is qualified to decide that if I'm not really the victim, they can alert the CM."  He kind of snorted a bit and said that they were, indeed, qualified to proceed with the assessment.

He then asked why the assessment hadn't been done yet.  I feel the need to repeat at this point that assessment was supposed to have been ~completed~ before we walked into court.  I told the judge that I'd contacted my attorney every single week since our last appearance, and had every confidence that my attorney had passed those concerns on to the DCF attorney, yet we still had not been given a provider.  The DCF attorney was quite ambivalent about it saying that they would be more than happy to give me the phone number after the hearing.  I turned and looked at the judge and said, "So glad that after four weeks of emailing that I drove all the way from Downtown Orlando to Kissimmee so that I could be handed a phone number."  ..... and I got another smirk from the judge.  The judge asked that we go out into the hallway and make the calls to the providers and make the appointments.  Spoiler alert, they've somewhat been taken care of.

In the meantime, the DCF attorney had to subpoena Red's therapist because he hasn't been submitting reports.  Oy.  The judge called him to the stand and he made no excuses for not filing the reports, and maintains that Red and I shouldn't have any unsupervised contact.  ::sigh:: The therapist that does our supervised visits is my therapist, and she things that Red and I are doing very well, and we should have no limitations at all.  My therapist also thinks that Red's therapist shouldn't be making these decisions since he has never seen the two of us interact.  Good grief.

Finally, I got into something of a kerfluffle with the GAL and a representative from their office.  The Friday before we went to court, they called my dad AGAIN and told him that he has no choice but to adopt Red and that I shouldn't have any parental rights ever.  I'm fairly certain I put this in my last update, but even the judge told the GAL's office that this wasn't going to happen.  So WHY do they keep stressing my dad out?  I told them that I didn't appreciate them intimidating my father, and if they called him to harass him again, I would be contacting an attorney and filing suit.  Hubby thinks I might have gone too far, and he could be right.  But I'm quite done with the level of stupidity this case is reaching, and I really do think that we need to stand together against this corrupt behavior.

Well, that's it for now ... I guess we'll see what is around the next corner ...

Professionalism

I don't judge anyone by their religion, skin color, or where they're from.  I don't care how smart you are, how much you make, what kind of car you drive, or where you buy your clothes from.  You want to know what REALLY matters to me?  How you treat your family and your friends, and the people you pass on the street.  Also?  The relationships you have with your customers or clients, and how you treat your superiors - in front of them or behind their backs.

Let me get one thing straight here: whether you are a high-powered attorney or world-renowned surgeon, or you work the counter at a fast food restaurant or are a janitor ... if you have one hundred employees, one hundred bosses, or you work for yourself  ... ALL of you (all of US!) have to answer to SOMEONE.  I started working when I was 16 in retail, and since then I have also worked in fast food, theme parks, and law firms.  I had bosses and customers at every stage.  When I was a paralegal, my "customers" were the clients that hired my attorneys, and they were other paralegals, attorneys, and judges.  Now, Hubby and I have a photography business.  Technically, I answer to him, since his name is on the business, but we answer to our clients - making sure we give them the best experience and the best product possible.

I say all of this to say that when people are jerks to the people paying them for whatever product or service, I just lose my ever-loving mind.  I truly believe that is why I'm struggling so much with all of these issues with the DCF case manager.  In case you've missed it, or because I know I haven't listed everything that has transpired, let us just discuss a few points here:

~  Do not play on your cell phone while I'm trying to tell you that my child is not adjusting well under the circumstances he's in.

~  Do not promise to provide clothes for my child, be reminded repeatedly about that promise, and ::six months later:: still not deliver.

~  Do not tell my father that you are unable to help him with the insurance issues that you caused him.  For the love of pete, at least give him a phone number of someone who can.

~  Please learn how to process paperwork so that our service providers have all of the correct information on myself, my son, all others involved.

~  Additionally, please make sure that you can process payment information so that our service providers are paid and don't bail on us and leave us flapping in the wind.

~  Do not lie about phone conversations that never happened.

~  Listen to us when we tell you that the therapies aren't working, and we need to discuss different tactics ... we are with him, you are not.  AND you are NOT a therapist.

~  When my father tells you that I'm doing one thing, do not call my attorney and berate him telling him an entirely different story.  We ALL know that you're lying, and we're ALL going to bust you on them.

And, as a special side note to your managers ... please note ... when your employee screws up (you know, like having to be removed from my residence by the police?) an apology is most certainly in order.  I had no thoughts of suing you despite your employee's egregious behavior, but you can bet your last red nickel that I am, and will continue to, notify every single politician in this state that the DCF system MUST change.  It is idiots like you who are responsible for the deaths and mistreatment of children all over our state.

Customer service, people.  Doctors, lawyers, fast food, retail ... and social workers.  Take care of your customers.  Because sometimes, a lawsuit won't be the answer and your insurance will mean nothing.  Sometimes, someone will come along that is smarter and more determined than you can imagine.

A Victorious Battle within the War

I know I haven't updated the blog, but we'll just have to play catch up some other time.  Basically, I had a Judicial Review today to see if I'm compliant with the case plan that DCF had set out for me.  The case has gone so wrong and so stupid, that I knew that we'd have several issues to discuss today, and I was a nervous wreck.

I've said this before, and I will say it again ... I seriously have the best friends EVER.  Today was soooo intense, and soooo stressful.  By the time I got to the courthouse, I was wound tighter than an eight-day-clock.  I sat down with my attorney, and he looked at me point-blank and said, "So much has happened with this case, and even I don't know all the details.  You're going to do most of the talking."  ACK!!!  Ummmm .... errrrr .... ok.  They called our case, and as I approached the stand, I felt this huge wave of calm crash over me.  Thank you so much, praying friends, I could feel every single one of you lifting us up!!!  So, these are the basics:

1.  The first words out of the DCF attorney's mouth were that I was not being compliant with scheduling the therapeutic visits for me and Red.  She barely got the sentence out, the judge turned his eyes to me, and I opened up.  My words were confident and strong:  Your Honor, please let me inform you that this is NOT a matter of my scheduling these visits, I would love nothing more.  The case manager in charge of our case spent the better part of four months not doing our paperwork so that the therapist was assigned, had her paperwork, and was properly funded.  Our caseworker also spent that time ignoring phone calls and emails, and telling everyone that ***I*** was the one being the problem.  Our last official visit was May 14 of this year.  I've been trying to get the visits scheduled since that time.  Just this past week, the paperwork was finally submitted correctly, and we had our visit this past Sunday.  ... The judge was not pleased that this is what had transpired.  While he didn't admonish the caseworker from the bench (I'll admit it, I would have gotten a wee bit of pleasure out of it), you could tell that he was upset.  I can safely say that there will no longer be an issue with making sure our service providers are in order.

2.  The next issue up at bat was if I had completed all of the aspects of my case plan.  There is one outstanding issue: a domestic abuse class that had not been assigned to me.  It was in the case plan, but no one had brought it up or sent me a referral.  My attorney admitted to the judge that it had even escaped his attention, as it had been something of a side note scribbled in and not typed up and formal.  The judge asked if I knew about it, and I said that I was not aware that it was a separate thing that needed to be done, I had thought it was just part of all the other counseling we had done.  He's given DCF - and me - 30 days to get this assigned and completed.  We have to go back to court October 28th to make sure that it is taken care of.

3.  The attorney for the guardian ad litem's office spoke up next and said that her office is quite upset with the fact that Red has been participating in family activities without the supervision of the therapist.  She said that she had spoken to Red's primary therapist and he was adamant that Red and I spend NO time together AT ALL (seriously, she was shouting) without a therapist present. DCF's attorney chimed in, actually in my defense (scary, right?), stating that "The Grandfather" (my dad, where Red is living) doesn't have transportation, and she had spoken at great length with Dad.  The events that I had wanted to attend were school activities, meetings with teachers (like the conference my Dad went to last week with Red's algebra teacher), and medical appointments.  The DCF attorney was quite clear in saying that both my Dad and Red had expressed interest in me attending these events.  After she finished speaking, I took the floor and said that at no time are Red and I are ever alone together.  When we transport Red, it is always me and Hubby, at the very least, and often the other three kids and my Dad are there, as well.  Neither one of us are comfortable spending one-on-one time together yet, so that shouldn't be a concern.  The judge took all of that into consideration, but would like to hear from Red's therapist and from my therapist (who does our supervised visits) before deciding to lift the restrictions.  That was fair.

4.  Finally, the DCF attorney said that after several conversations with my Dad, she wanted to make sure we were all on the same page regarding the final disposition of the case.  Yesterday morning, Dad spoke with the DCF attorney, and they were looking at permanent guardianship.  Basically, Red will live with my Dad until he turns 18, and Dad takes care of all of his needs.  I would retain my parental rights and still be Mom.  If it is easier, it would be very similar to joint custody in a divorce ... with my Dad having residential custody.  Obviously, there are a few differences, but that is the closest that I can compare it to.  My Dad made it very clear that he wants me to be as active as I possibly can in Red's life, they both want me there by his side.  The DCF attorney essentially summarized this to the judge.  The judge agreed with what she said and questioned why this would even be a discussion.  I spoke up at that point:  Your Honor, yesterday afternoon, I received a phone call from a member of the GAL's office.  I was told that I had two options, either Red comes back to live with me or I would need to surrender my parental rights.  The attorney for the GAL tried to argue, but I shut her down.  I said that it didn't matter to me what they felt was going on, I had been threatened, and as long as we continued to have communication breakdowns like these, we were never going to get anywhere.  The judge agreed, and made sure that everyone understood that from here on out, everyone needs to communicate clearly and effectively and not threaten anyone with rights and responsibilities.

The judge was not amused by anything that happened today.  As I said, we go back in October to see if this domestic abuse class has been taken care of, and then we have yet another judicial review in February, and hopefully that is when the case will be closed.

I will never be able to thank you all for all the prayers and thoughts y'all sent me.  I have a distinct fear of speaking up for myself in front of the judge, and I was able to speak clearly and confidently today, and not let them take any ground away from me.  This battle was won in my favor ... but the war is still not over.  Until next time ....