Saturday, December 31, 2011
This has been an incredibly long year for me. Like most people, I have spent much of the past few days reflecting on the events of this past year, and how they have affected me. Am I still the same person I was last year? I don't think so. I'd like to think I'm a little wiser, and a little stronger, and a little more confident in myself. Confidence. Confidence is a funny thing, isn't it? It isn't something you learn, like riding a bike. You're either born with a natural ability to grow it - like great hair - or you're not. I think I had confidence as a child, but I went through years of people brow-beating it out of me. I was made to depend less on myself and more on other people. My entire being became dependent on what others thought of me, and how I could make myself more likable. Over the years, I've exhausted myself just trying to please everyone else. But not in 2011. I stopped caring. I don't care what everyone else thinks. It is not my job to please everyone, not to mention that it is impossible. In this new year, I want to change the focus of who I make myself better for. First and foremost has to be God. Only in Him can I find peace. Then, I need to worry about what **I** think about me. Finally, my husband. I want to shine in his eyes. This past year has been hard on us, and I know that he still loves me, our sparkle has dimmed a little under the exhaustion. I don't think my resolutions are much different than most of my peers - lose weight, contribute more to society, focus on my family, find inner happiness. But how many of us really stay true to our resolutions? Most of the time, by the end of the year, I think we're all just so busy trying to keep our head above water that we forget what we set out to do in the first place. I wonder what would happen if just for one year we erased all of the excess static in our lives and just focused on what it would take to make ourselves a little happier and a little better. Put down your dorkaphone for an afternoon and curl up with a good book, cuddle your little one, take that special someone for a nice long walk ... and what if we did that more often? Not just once in a great while, but once a week? What if, we took an hour out of our day every single day to just hear the peace? That's what I plan on accomplishing this year - finding a little bit of peace in my chaotic world. Between homeschooling, scouts, stuff with church, and all of the other balls I have flying in the air, peace is very hard to come by. But I'm determined to find it this year. Where is your peace going to be? Wherever you might find it, may God bless you in this upcoming year!!