Lately, my biggest complaint is that I'm so scattered. The other day, I said that not only is my plate full, but I'm at an all-you-can-eat buffet, and I can't stop going back for more. Every single morning, I wake up with the knowledge of a hundred things that I have to do. I'm overwhelmed. But not because it is too much stuff (although, there is probably some truth to that), but because I'm just not as organized as I used to be.
I have always been organized, even as a little kid. My toys were always in place, my books were always in order, and by the time I was 10, my clothes were always in my closet in a specific order. When I started working in law firms, my obsessive tendencies played in my favor - I never once lost a file, memo, letter, receipt, anything. Other secretaries had desks that looked like bombs exploded on them - not me. My desk was always neat and tidy, the only telling signs that someone actually occupied that space were a few pictures of my children (always neat in one small area), sometimes fresh flowers on my desk, and - more often than anything else - a big stack in my inbox.
Organization has been my life.
I'm not sure what has happened, but recently I can't find ANYTHING. I'm losing important paperwork that I need, I can't ever figure out what I'm supposed to be doing and when. Three calendars in this house (one paper, one on the computer that syncs to the one on my phone), I'm missing appointments. Seriously, I'm not even me anymore. Even worse? I'm not even sure where to start looking for me. I think I might have lost me under a pile of laundry waiting to be folded.
The biggest issue seems to just be all of the incoming craziness. This week's crisis is our family truck. I talked about the accident Hubs and Fluffy were in last week the other day. We found out yesterday that our truck is not repairable. Our truck was old, but she was loved, and we're not going to be able to get enough to replace it or make a down payment on something else - because with Hubby losing his job a couple of months ago, we're afraid to commit to a payment schedule.
I've said a hundred times, and I'll keep saying it. It was JUST a vehicle. My husband and my sweet little girl were uninjured, and THAT is the most important thing. But lately, I seem to be saying it just to convince myself, because all I can think about is the endless list of things that always have to be done during any given week. How are we going to get back and forth to work? Go to the grocery store? Get all of us to church? For the next few days, we still have the rental from the insurance company, but it will have to go back soon - and what then?
Piled on to that is all of the other miscellaneous things we deal with on any given week. Fluffyhead has another appointment with her eye surgeon this week, SirSmiley has to go for a surgical consult next week, I'm still way behind in planning for Girl Scouts, Red's 13th birthday planning, and oh yeah, the Holidays are coming.
I know that we're going to get through this bump in the road, and I know that God has a plan. But today I'm really struggling with being able to find the peace in that knowledge. I think that I'm going to spend the rest of the day getting the house clean and catching up on my to-do list, and maybe I'll feel better about all of it then.
I could really use a fluffy bunny today.